


Runs In My Blood

by Lunarelle



Series: Whisper Your Name [2]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 08:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16950513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarelle/pseuds/Lunarelle
Summary: The sequel to Whisper Your Name. Cressida finds herself in District Thirteen, where she has to live wth her growing feelings for Katniss, and the terror Katniss has lived through. There will be a third installment! - Disclaimer - I am merely a visitor in Suzanne Collins's amazing world. All characters belong to her!





	1. Chapter 1

The ground is far below, the Capitol completely behind us. I have no idea how fast we're traveling, but Messalla, who's piloting the stolen hovercraft that he's been tinkering on for ages, assures me that we'll be in Thirteen in a couple of hours.

We had to leave quickly after the screens went dark. We knew something was going to happen today, so Haymitch had instructed us to be ready to leave at a moment's notice. We'd been watching the Games in Messalla's garage when Katniss had shot the arrow at the force field encompassing the arena.

I look down at the sketch books that I brought with me. They've been on my lap since we left, a reminder of what Cinna did. He died to make sure Katniss could be saved.

Of course, none of us know whether Cinna's  _really_  dead, because we haven't seen or heard anything about it, but I think it's a good bet.

It hurts in all sorts of unimaginable ways. My friend Cinna, dead somewhere, in an unmarked grave.

Only the four of us are in this hovercraft. I wanted to get the mentors out, but there was no time. I have no illusion as to what's going to happen to them, and my throat tightens.

_You can't fall apart. You need to get yourself to Thirteen now, and worry about yourself later._

And I have to make sure that Katniss is all right. We haven't been able to contact Haymitch since this morning, so we have absolutely no idea what's going on. Were they able to get them out of the arena? Are they safe?

Pollux comes to me with a glass of water, and gently pries the sketch books away from my hands, signing to me that I must drink.

I do as he says, taking small sips of the cool liquid until it's entirely gone. "Thanks, Pollux."

He nods. "Katniss is okay," he signs. "She has to be."

Has to be. The entire rebellion hinges on whether Katniss,  _my Katniss_ , has survived this ordeal.

My Katniss.

Tears overwhelm me suddenly, and I'm powerless to stop them. I sink to the floor, sobbing, my hands covering my face. I feel Pollux rubbing my back, and Castor comes over suddenly, hugging me.

"Come on, Cress, it's okay. Everything's okay. You're going to see Katniss again soon."

"Cinna's… he's dead… and Mags…" for several minutes, I can't think anymore, much less form a coherent sentence, but my friends let me cry, trying to comfort me as best they can.

I finally start to calm down, and when I look up again, I feel better. Everything still hurts inside, but the hurt feels cleaner.

Castor and Pollux help me to my feet and hug me.

"Okay?" Castor asks me.

I give a nod. "Yeah. I just, I couldn't keep it in anymore, you know?"

"We know. You'll see her again soon."

My laugh is humorless, "Even if I do, her heart belongs to Peeta, and his heart belongs to her."

"Maybe. But you'll still feel much better once you realize on your own that she's safe and happy. I know you, Cress."

I look at all the stuff we were able to bring with us on such short notice. My bag of clothes sits by the seat I was in. And we brought cameras and makeup. A lot of makeup, as per Cinna's instructions.

"I hope he's proud of us, wherever he is."

Pollux signs to me. "Of course he is. He really liked you, you know. But he realized that you had feelings for Katniss."

I smile a little. I guess he did.

It's another couple of hours before we see anything different other than the uncharted forests we've been flying over. Messalla calls us forward when he sees something unusual on the horizon. Several clouds of smoke billowing into the sky.

"What in the world?" I look at the navigational panel, "Wait… isn't that District Twelve?"

Messalla doesn't answer immediately, but finally, he nods. "What's left of it."

"Fire bombs," whispers Castor. "We can't stay here."

There's nothing we can do. Even from afar, we notice that Katniss's home has been completely destroyed.

"Look for survivors in the forest," I tell Messalla.

But it's in vain. We keep our eyes peeled as we cover the distance from District Twelve to District Thirteen, but we don't see anybody in the forest, nor does our hovercraft pick up any heat signals from human beings.

People are waiting for us as we arrive in District Thirteen airspace.

"District Thirteen to Cinna One, do you copy?" says a voice on the radio. By then, we've all put on headsets and are sitting in the front of the hovercraft.

"We copy, Thirteen," says Messalla.

"Welcome. Were you followed?"

"Negative, Thirteen," he answered.

"Good. We'll guide you to final approach."

We travel north another few miles when, all of a sudden, I notice that a wide patch of earth seems to open up below us. I almost panic until I realize that this is the landing platform.

Messalla lands and the rest of us get ready to disembark. My muscles are stiff, and I'd love nothing more than to walk outside and get some fresh air, but District Thirteen is underground.

Besides, I want to see Katniss.

Plutarch Heavensbee meets us as we get out. He's not wearing the customary colorful attire I'm used to seeing on him in the Capitol, but a rather drab gray jumpsuit. It looks strange on him.

"I'm glad you guys made it," he says.

"Glad to be here," I reply. "Plutarch, did they make it? The victors? Are they here?"

He nods, "Haymitch is here with Beetee, Finnick, and Katniss. They're fine. Well, Haymitch is fine. The others are in the hospital."

"What about Peeta and Joanna?" asks Messalla, who's right behind me.

"We couldn't get to them on time, or to Enobaria. The Capitol has them."

_The Capitol has them_. That phrase sends a cold chill running through me. "You  _left_  them there?"

"We didn't have a choice. We had to grab Katniss and go. They have Annie Cresta as well, from what we understand."

My mind spins, "What about the other mentors?"

The look Plutarch gives me is enough for my stomach to clench. I blink, then nod, swallowing the bile that's risen in my throat. "We brought Cinna's sketches and the cameras. You got everything else, right?"

"Yes, we have the outfit Cinna designed. Come on."

We follow Plutarch through the underground complex of a district that was no longer supposed to exist.

"Listen," I say. "We saw smoke rising from Twelve. What happened?"

"The Capitol happened."

"Did anybody get out? Katniss's family –."

"Yes. We got some people out, and Mrs. Everdeen and Primrose were amongst them. We dispatched several hovercraft there as soon as we realized what the Capitol had done and took the survivors here."

"We looked for survivors in the woods, but couldn't find anybody," says Messalla. "How many got out?"

"Not many." He opens a door, leading us into a conference room with a large oval table that takes up most of the space. A woman stands there with long gray hair and pale skin, wearing a similar jumpsuit to Plutarch's. Next to her stands a dark-skinned man whose jumpsuit is black and obviously military. "Everyone, I'd like to you meet President Alma Coin."

The woman steps forward, "Welcome to Thirteen."


	2. Chapter 2

We change into jumpsuits of our own and are assigned living quarters. To my surprise, I see that I'm on the floor as Mrs. Everdeen and her daughter Prim.

Prim is the one who first sees me. She looks tired and not very well, but is still able to smile at me.

"Hi," I say. "You're Primrose Everdeen, aren't you? Katniss's sister?"

She nods, "You know Katniss?"

"A little. My name is Cressida. I'm… I used to be a movie director in the Capitol, and I was supposed to direct the viewing that happens after the Hunger Games, although that won't be happening this time around." I look at her, seeing some resemblance to her sister, "I'm so sorry about your district, I truly am."

"Thank you," she tells me. "We… it was Gale who saved us. We would have all been killed if it hadn't been for him." Haltingly, she tells me what happened, and I, in turn give her details of my involvement with the rebellion, which isn't much, but she seems interested.

"Have you seen Katniss yet?" I ask.

"She was still asleep. But I'm going to go see her now. You want to come?"

I can't help but like this girl. "Thanks, but maybe I'll go see her later." As much as I want to give in to the need in my veins, I can't intrude on this time between Katniss and her family.

However, I do decide to go see Finnick if I can, so I painstakingly make my way down to the hospital level of the complex. I get lost twice, but finally find it thanks to some people who are willing to point me in the right direction.

The hospital is lit better than the rest of the district, I see that right away. I suppose this is because we're underground, and people here need to be in the healthiest environment possible. But while in the Capitol, hospitals are colorful, bright, and airy, here, everything is military.

I ask someone whether I might be able to see Finnick Odair.

"He was asleep last time I checked, but maybe he woke up now." He looks at the vine tattoo that curls from the shaved side of my skull down to my neck, "You're from the Capitol, aren't you?"

I nod.

"One of Plutarch's people?"

"No. One of Cinna's."

The man I'm speaking to, who's obviously a doctor, smiles sadly, "We heard he didn't make it."

"I hadn't gotten an official confirmation of that," I whisper, my throat tight. "But that's what we had guessed."

"I'm very sorry," he says. "Let's go see if Finnick is awake. Do you know him well?"

"We've crossed paths once or twice." That much is true. I had met him at several Capitol functions over the last three years, having also met Mags on one occasion. But I don't really feel like talking, so I keep quiet while we walk to Finnick's room.

He's awake and looks over when the doctor comes into the room. He sees me, and his eyes widen. "Cressida," he says. "How… when did you get here?"

"Just now," I answer.

"Okay, I'll let you see him for ten minutes," says the doctor. "But he needs to rest." He leaves us alone, and as soon as he's gone, Finnick sits up.

I go to him and hug him tightly. "I'm sorry, Finnick… I'm so sorry about Mags."

He clings to me for a moment, "Have you seen Annie?"

I shake my head slowly, "No… Finnick –."

"Plutarch told me that they have her. They have my Annie…"

What can I say to that? I can't imagine his despair at knowing that the woman he loves is in the clutches of the Capitol. Even what I feel for Katniss can't compare to the love I know he has for Annie.

"It's going to be okay," I tell him at last. "The rebels will get her out of there."

"Do you think so?" Him and I are the same age, but he looks so much younger, like the tribute he was when he won his first Hunger Games.

"I do, yes." I don't, really, but I can't tell him that. He needs something to believe in right now. "How are Katniss and Beetee?"

"Beetee was seriously injured. He was unconscious when they brought him in. Katniss… she went wild when she found out that we'd left Peeta in the arena."

"Of course she did." My heart goes out to her at that moment, and I wish more than anything that I could be with her. I want to hold her, comfort her, and tell her that if necessary, I will go to the Capitol myself and get Peeta out of there. I shake my head. "Poor girl." Tears sting my eyes and I blink them away quickly.

"So, you're really with us."

"Yeah. I already wanted to leave the Capitol, because I couldn't stand to just sit by and do nothing while the Hunger Games happened. Cinna gave us the perfect opportunity to leave."

Our ten minutes are up. Finnick doesn't want me to leave, I can see that, but the doctor forces me out.

"I'll come and see you again later, okay? I promise." I get out of Finnick's room and run into Prim and her mother. Both of them have tears in their eyes, and my heart drops. Has something… "Is Katniss all right?" I ask on impulse.

Mrs. Everdeen looks at me, surprised when Prim answers.

"The doctors say she'll be okay. But she's really scared about what they're doing to Peeta in the Capitol." She looks at me with huge eyes, "Do you know?"

I shake my head, "They won't kill him."

"How do you know?"

"Because they need him, the same way the rebels need Katniss."

"So, you don't think they're going to hurt him?" asks Mrs. Everdeen.

I can't answer that honestly, and they take my silence for what it is. We're quiet for a minute, then I murmur to them that I should go because I don't want to keep them from their duties.

"Oh, we don't have any duties right now, although they want me to work here," says Mrs. Everdeen. "Today they just want us to settle in and relax. They're going to give us a tour later."

Relax, right. After having lived through watching Katniss in the Hunger Games and through their district's bombing, I have my doubts over their ability to relax at all.

"Well, if you need anything, I've been assigned quarters close to yours." I introduce myself to Mrs. Everdeen. As I'm about to leave, Prim stops me.

"Cressida?" she asks, reaching out for me, "Do you know what happened to Cinna?"

I blink, and a tear falls from my eyes at the mention of my friend. I shake my head, "He… he didn't make it."

Prim looks so shattered that I put my hand on her shoulder and kneel in front of her, "But he would be so happy to know that you and Katniss are safe."

She hugs me suddenly and I hug her back, trying my best to control my emotions. I don't want to burst into tears every time. It's not like me at all.

"Katniss will be devastated," said Mrs. Everdeen in an unsteady voice.

"Katniss knows. I think it happened just before she was put in the arena. She arrived a few seconds after the others."

"You think she saw it happen?" Prim is aghast.

"I'm not sure. It's possible. She looked horrible when the Games started. But maybe it was because of the baby."

"Oh, Katniss isn't…" Prim stops herself.

My stomach clenches again, "Did she lose the baby?" This wouldn't surprise me, but when I see Prim exchange a look with her mother, all I can feel is sudden relief, "She was never pregnant… and… she didn't get married to Peeta?"

Prim shakes her head.

"Brave girl…" I whisper, running a hand over my face. "She would have had to think about it all the time in the arena, to keep up the illusion."

Mrs. Everdeen smiles a little at me, "I didn't know anybody in the Capitol really cared about her."

I straighten myself up, "It's my job to watch people. I sometimes pick up things that other people miss, and I noticed that she's a remarkable young woman. Not many people in her position would have managed to do what she did."

"Does she know you're here?"

I shake my head at Mrs. Everdeen's question. "She doesn't know me very well. We only saw each other a couple of times at the Capitol, and I'm sure she was busy thinking about other things." Never mind the fact that she and I have never been introduced and that I don't want to have to do that under the present circumstances.

"Maybe you can meet her later. I'm sure she'd like to know that not everybody in the Capitol thinks like President Snow." Prim looks up at me.

"Maybe," I say. "But for now, I should go. It was very nice to meet you both."

"It was nice to meet you too, Cressida. Thank you… for being honest." Mrs. Everdeen's eyes are wide, and I'm sure she's going to cry once she's on her own. I don't blame her.

"Anytime. I hope Katniss gets better soon," I say, meaning it with all my heart.

It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to go look for her and see for myself that she's okay. Instead, I turn around and go back to my living quarters.


	3. Chapter 3

I settle into a routine with Messalla, Castor and Pollux. We're told that President Coin wants to use us for the rebellion by having us film Katniss in a series of propaganda videos, or "propos" that will be shown in every single district, to aid them with their uprisings.

The prospect of working directly with Katniss excites me, but we're not sure whether she'll agree to be the mockingjay or not. I have a feeling that she'll refuse to do anything as long as Peeta's not here with us.

But for now, she's still in the hospital, and there are other things to do. I see that several people have military training, and ask whether I can go through basic training too, because I'd like to feel more useful. They agree, and that's how I start training every day for two hours in the morning.

The first day, the physical training nearly makes me sick. I'm in good shape by Capitol standards, but what I'm doing now is something else entirely.

But I keep going. After ten days, I'm able to keep up with most of the other people training, which was what I wanted, and I've even learned how to fire a gun.

"That's a good job, Cressida," says Colonel Boggs, who's head of security in Thirteen. "You're adapting quickly to life here."

"Thank you," I reply. "If I'm going to shoot propos for the rebellion, I need to know what life is like here, and the best way for me to do that isn't to film people, it's to participate in everything everyone does."

"That's a good attitude to have, and I'm glad to have you on board."

He leaves me to my exercises, and I complete them, after which I go back to my quarters to take a shower and change my clothes. I've already grown weary of the gray outfits, but since everyone wears the same thing, I can't complain. Everyone here gets the same rationing of food, water and clothes, which is how they've managed to stay alive for so long, I guess. It gives me an odd sense of pride to have join such a group of people.

My schedule gives me time to go visit Finnick before I have to go to the room that's been designated as the studio I'll be using with Messalla, Castor and Pollux, so I go down to the hospital. I've been visiting Finnick every day, as part of me feels guilty for what he went through. I was a Capitol citizen, and I stood by and watched while he went through hell in not just one, but two Hunger Games.

Finnick is lying down as usual. A rope is in his hands, and he keeps fiddling with it, but he looks over as I enter the room.

"Hi Cressida," he says quietly.

"More bad dreams?" I ask.

"The same. Katniss has them too. I heard her screaming in the night."

The idea that Katniss screamed and that nobody was there to comfort her pulls at me. I don't want to think about that. Something must register on my face, because Finnick looks at me closely.

"I'm sure she's okay, though. You know… as okay as any of us can be."

An apology springs to my lips, but I swallow it. I've been apologizing so much lately that it doesn't even feel real anymore. Besides, if I look at it objectively, none of this is my fault. But I still wish I could help more. I sit on the edge of the bed, "You know it will be okay, right?" I've said this to him as well, mostly because I'm trying to make myself believe it.

"I'm trying," he says.

"I know." I look at the clock on the wall, "I need to go, but I'll come back later."

He nods, "Thanks for the visit."

I smile at him and squeeze his hand before leaving.

I do have an ulterior motive for always visiting Finnick. Don't get me wrong, I want to see him and make sure he's okay – I'd like to be friends with him, and I think we're on our way there. But every time I go to the hospital, I hope to catch a glimpse of Katniss. I know where her room is, but I can't bring myself to actually walk past it. Every time I think about it, my hands get cold and my knees begin to shake.

Today is no exception. I look towards Katniss's room and take one step towards it, but I can't bring myself to actually go there. My heart pounds fit to choke me, and it's all I can do to keep myself breathing. What's wrong with me?

"Cressida?"

I jump at the sound of my own name. It's Mrs. Everdeen, and I can see she's just come out of Katniss's room. I force myself to smile.

"Mrs. Everdeen, hi," I say. "You work here now, right?"

"Yes, they think I'm qualified enough to be a nurse, and Prim comes here too after school. Did you just visit Finnick?"

"Yes, I did. He's having nightmares, but I guess that's normal after…" I let my voice trail off, and Mrs. Everdeen nods.

"Beetee and Katniss have nightmares too, but Beetee's more used to them, he says. We're discharging him tomorrow."

"That's good news. Is he okay?"

"He won't be able to walk again, but he considers himself very lucky. He could have died."

My mind flashes back to the last image I have of the Quarter Quell, and I shudder. They could have all been killed when Katniss fired that arrow at the force field.

"Why don't you come and say hi to him and Katniss? I'm sure they'd appreciate it."

Before I can even protest, she takes my hand and leads me to Katniss's room. I have a moment of panic when I can't even remember my name. My mouth completely dries up and my knees nearly buckle under me.

But I'm safe, because she appears to have fallen asleep.

"Oh, I don't want to wake her," I say quietly. "But it's okay, I can come and see her later." And only if I'm really prepared for something like that. I quickly make my escape, as Beetee is having some additional tests done before he can be discharged, and arrive in the studio only a few minutes late.

"Did you see her?" asks Messalla as soon as I rush inside. He takes a look at me and his eyes narrow. "Cress? Are you okay? D _id_  you see her?"

"I… yes, I'm fine. I saw her, but she was asleep. Let's get to work."

We've been charged with the task of coming up with the appropriate background for the propos we'll be shooting. We don't have our usual equipment, but we make do with what's at our disposal, and have already come up with several ideas.

"Should we have it be at twilight?" asks Castor. "So that we can put in more lighting?"

"Maybe have it just before night begins to fall, with the light waning towards darkness."

Plutarch comes in while we're working and makes a couple of suggestions for improvement.

"Do you have any idea how we're going to get Katniss to agree to do this?" he asks me.

"Short of having Peeta here?" I reply. "No, I really can't think of anything." Plutarch seems to be expecting something else from me, so I shrug, "I can try talking to her, but I don't think she'll listen to me."

"Well, as long as you try," he says.

"Whoa, whoa, don't expect anything. I can get actors to listen to me, but Katniss has been traumatized by these Hunger Games, which you had a hand in creating, I'll remind you."

"But she has to agree to help us."

"Why should she? She's just going to see you as the monsters who left her boyfriend to die in the arena, and as for me, I'm a director who made money off of the Hunger Games." I look at him squarely, "I'm just telling you what she's apt to think. She doesn't know us. She loves Peeta and you left him to the Capitol. You didn't even bother to look for him."

"We couldn't!" He's beginning to get angry.

"I know that, Plutarch. I know time was of the essence and that your priority was to get Katniss out. But think about what she feels. She just went through the Hunger Games – do you even know what that's like? In less than two years, she went into that arena twice. I know we've watched the Games every year, and all of the reruns, but can you even imagine for one second what it's like in that arena for the tributes who are forced to kill each other? Her one goal was to save Peeta, and she failed to do that. For all she knows, he's dead."

Plutarch looks at me, momentarily silenced.

I continue speaking, "The way I see it, if you want Katniss to be the Mockingjay, you need to start knowing where she comes from. Her district is gone, she has recurring nightmares about the Games, and her boyfriend has been made prisoner. Stop seeing her as the Mockingjay, and start seeing her as a victim who's survived untold atrocities."

Do I believe everything I've just told Plutarch? Yes, I do. I don't like how they're expecting Katniss to just get over everything she's been through. I realize that they need her for the rebellion, but they won't get anything out of her if they just treat her like an object.

Long after I'm supposed to be in bed, I roam the hallways of Thirteen, unable to sleep. I somehow find myself on the hospital floor. I'm about to turn away when something collides with me.

There's a grunt and I fall to the floor. Pain radiates up and down my arm when the person who's collided with me falls on top of me.

I freeze.

The light is dim, but I know the girl who's struggling to get off me. It's Katniss.

She's making mewling sounds in her throat, and looks absolutely terrified.

"Katniss, it's okay. Calm down," I say. I want to wrap my arms around her, but that will make her panic even more than she is now. In a flash, she scrambles to her feet and takes off. A second later, I follow.

I find her in a passage filled with pipes and hot air vents. She's crying, and I approach her with caution.

"Katniss?" I say softly.

She's curled up against the wall, almost under a couple of pipes and is trembling from head to foot.

"My name is Katniss Everdeen," she whispers. "My home is District Twelve. I was in the Hunger Games. I escaped. Peeta… Peeta was left behind…" With that statement, she bursts into sobs and I come closer to her. I want to touch her so badly that my fingers ache from it. But I stop myself from doing that. Something tells me that if I touch her, she's going to turn feral, and that's the last thing I want, so I settle for standing as close to her as I dare.

She repeats those same words three more times in a halting voice, her hands covering her ears before people with flashlights arrive. There are three of them, and they seem intent on getting Katniss back to her room.

"We can help you sleep, Miss Everdeen," said a woman, not listening to what Katniss is saying about having had a nightmare and needing a few more minutes.

I turn towards them and they freeze.

"Who are you?" they ask.

"I couldn't sleep and started walking around. She ran into me and I followed her to make sure she wouldn't hurt herself. Give her more time, please."

"She needs to sleep." The two people with the woman are male, and they come around me to pick Katniss up. She thrashes and screams at them not to touch her.

"Hey, hang on!" I say sharply. "There's no need to manhandle her like that." I step over to them, "Let her go, right now. Come here, Katniss, it's okay." I extend my hand to her, and miraculously, she takes it and doesn't resist when I pull her towards me. I wrap my arms around her and feel her trembling against me, "Shh, it's all right, Katniss, it's all right." I kiss her forehead before my rational mind can intervene, but she's so far gone that she doesn't really react. Her hands just grip the back of my gray pajamas

Nobody says anything for a few seconds. Eventually, Katniss goes still, although she doesn't loosen her grip on me.

"Are you ready to go back to your room?" I ask her softly.

"Do I have to?"

I could cry at the broken sound of her voice. "For now, yes. Come on. We'll clean these abrasions on your arms, then we'll see, okay?"

"She needs to sleep."

I glance at the woman who just spoke, "Let her calm down before you force her back into the nightmares." I keep my voice quiet and take one of my arms away from Katniss's waist.

"No, no, no," she says, holding me even tighter. "No, please…" Her legs buckle and I go down with her, holding her again to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. Both my arms are around her again and I hold her close, rocking her back and forth.

"Go get her mother," I say to one of the men. "It's okay, Katniss, it's okay." I find tears coursing down my cheeks and I press my face to her head, trying to keep her warm. Her skin is cold to the touch. "Get me a blanket too, please."

"We need to get her back to her room."

"You won't get her anywhere in this state. Look at her. Please get me a blanket for her. We'll move her back when she's ready."

Katniss climbs up on my lap and curls up there, the same way she'd been curled up against the wall. I doubt she's even aware of what she's doing, but I recognize the protective position she's in, trying to keep herself safe from outside forces. I wrap myself around her, pulling her closer against me. Her hands hold on to my clothes so tightly that for a few moments, I fear she's going to tear them.

A little while later, the men return with a blanket and Mrs. Everdeen, who very worried indeed.

"What do you need us to do?" she asks, looking at me. If she's surprised to see me there, she doesn't show it.

I take the blanket in one hand and wrap it around Katniss's shoulders as best I can. She whimpers at first, then settles back down against me. "I need you to talk to her, Mrs. Everdeen. Talk to her about good times, safe times." I don't want to mention Peeta's name, but I can see in the dim light that she understands what I'm saying.

And so, she begins to talk to her daughter about Lady, a goat that they used to have in District Twelve, who got up to all sorts of antics with their cat, Buttercup. And little by little, Katniss relaxes against me, although she doesn't quite let me go.

"I guess we can carry her back to her room," says the woman in a nearly inaudible voice.

I shake my head. Moving Katniss now would result in a new panic attack, so I keep holding her until she falls asleep. Only then do I consent to have someone take her off me, "Try not to jostle her," I say.

Mrs. Everdeen helps me to my feet, and we follow the others as they bring Katniss back to her room.

"How did you know all of that?" asks the woman, who I notice is one of the hospital doctors. I've seen her around when I visit Finnick.

"I directed a documentary on the effects of traumatic events. I learned a lot while working on it."

"Lots of traumatic events in the Capitol?" One of the men accompanying us seems very bitter.

"A couple of years ago, there was a building collapse in the Capitol. You may not think that it's a big deal, but seven people died, and many others were injured. People also get into car accidents and there's crime as well, such as rape and murder. It can't compare in any way to the trauma of the Hunger Games, but not everybody knows this." I still keep my voice low so as not to wake Katniss, but I'm not altogether happy about what this soldier is implying.

"But you don't know what it's like to be in the Hunger Games."

I feel a surge of anger rise within me, and swallow it. Screaming won't help anything, so I say in a calm voice, "Not many people know what it's like to be in the Hunger Games. But we're not here to discuss that. Right now, our priority is to help her." I gesture to where Katniss is now in bed. I notice that she's shivering again. "Mrs. Everdeen, maybe you should lie down with her and hold her."

"I need to get back to Prim and tell her what's going on. But I'll come back. Could you stay with her for now?"

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to hold my feelings in check any longer, and being with Katniss isn't really going to help me, but I agree. Slowly, I climb into bed with her and wrap my arms around her. The doctor comes towards the bed with a syringe, and I shake my head vehemently.

"No. If she has a nightmare, you need her to be able to wake herself up from it. Sleep will be useless if she can't get rest because of her dreams."


	4. Chapter 4

Eventually, I make my way back to my sleeping quarters. I'm exhausted, but Mrs. Everdeen and Prim are both with Katniss, and they don't need me anymore. Still, I'm glad to have been of some use tonight.

It takes Katniss another week to be able to leave the hospital, and even then, I can tell that she's fragile. I haven't been to see her since the night I held her, but Prim's been talking to me about her. I didn't ask for any information – Prim just decides to share it with me, something I'm eternally grateful for.

I hear about her decision to go to District Twelve after she's gone.

"Why would you do that?" I ask Plutarch with my anger barely concealed. "She's still prone to panic attacks and nightmares, how is seeing her district burned to the ground supposed to help her?"

"It's supposed to help her make a decision about being the mockingjay we need her to be."

"And what about what  _she_  needs?" I nearly shout, and force myself to sit down, "Look, I'm sorry. It's not my place to question your decisions, but I think you just made a mistake."

"She can take it."

"This soon after being released from the hospital?"

Prim and Mrs. Everdeen suddenly burst into the room we're in, looking pale.

"She's gone to Twelve?" asks Prim.

"Gale's with her," Plutarch tells them. "She'll be perfectly safe."

"She won't be perfectly safe from the ghosts that come out of the graveyard her home's been turned into."

"Why do you care so much about her?" Plutarch looks at me almost severely.

"Because she shouldn't have ever been subjected to this. Nobody should have.  She keeps taking blow after blow and she gets back up each and every time, but I guess that's not enough since you keep pushing her over and over again."

Everyone's staring at me by the time I finish my rant. Finally, I can't take it anymore and leave, deciding to go to the hangar and wait for the hovercraft to return.

"You really care about her, don't you?" Boggs is standing behind me.

I don't answer. Then again, I guess I don't need to.

"It would be a lot easier if we could pick and choose who we love. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen that way."

I still keep quiet, sitting on the floor and wrapping my arms around my knees. I just want to sit there for a while and wait, although my schedule says that I should be doing something else.

Boggs comes to sit with me, "I know what it's like to feel helpless when someone you care about is in pain. It's never a good feeling. But you can comfort yourself with knowing that she will be all right."

But what if she's not? What if something happens to her? I've never pondered those thoughts about anybody, not to that extent. But now, I find myself genuinely wondering what I would do if something were to happen to take her away.

"I know that it won't ever be real. And her death wouldn't exactly change the way I live, because I have very little to do with her in everyday life." I rest my head on my hands, looking at the colonel, "But the thought of it… it rips me apart."

"Love does weird things to people. You react in ways you never expected. I cried when my son was born, and people swear that they'd never seen me cry before."

I manage a smile, "Having a child is different."

"Yes and no. It's still love. Love is love, whether it's possible or not. If you feel that she's the real love of your life at this point in time, all you can do is feel it. And if she doesn't love you back, you'll feel that too. And eventually, you'll move on."

He gets to his feet, patting me on the shoulder, "Come on. She won't be back for a while, and I'd like to show you how to take a gun apart for cleaning."

I can't imagine why he wants to show me this, but I follow him because it's better than sitting here and waiting for Katniss to come back. I wouldn't know what to say to her right now. I feel too many things.

For the next three hours, I work on taking a gun apart and putting it back together. It's not easy the first time around, and takes a good amount of concentration. By the time I've done this several times, Katniss is returning.

I nearly run back to my quarters and catch a glimpse of her as she arrives in her family's room. She looks pale, but composed, so maybe Plutarch was right. Maybe she  _was_  ready to see her home. Again, I'm struck by how strong she is.

That evening, at dinner, I'm getting ready to sit down next to Messalla and the others when I see her walking in and taking a seat at the table next to ours. Nearly dropping my tray, I stare for a second. She even manages to make these ridiculous outfits we wear look good. I have no idea how she does it.

"You're not going to ask like a lovesick schoolgirl, are you?" asks Castor.

"Have you ever known me to act like a lovesick schoolgirl?" I retort back, finally taking my seat.

"It's just that we've never seen you act like this over anybody."

"Believe me, this is news to me too." My parents would be horrified, not only at my being in District Thirteen now, but because I have feelings for a woman. A girl. Who's seventeen years old. A tribute.

I wait for an inner argument to start, as happens often when I make unwise decisions. But there is nothing. All I have is the knowledge that I really care for Katniss Everdeen. My girl on fire.

Looking at my plate of food, I realize that I'm not hungry. I'm about to get up when the Panem anthem begins to play on the television screens. I tense up immediately, as do several people around me.

Caesar Flickerman comes on, telling us to stop whatever it is we're doing, because he's got a guest today, and we won't want to miss him.

Peeta.

My heart skips a beat when Katniss, reacting immediately, leaps to her feet and goes toward the screen, getting close to it so as to see him better.

Peeta actually looks better than I thought he would. He seems healthy, and maybe still a little worn from the Quarter Quell, but otherwise, he looks okay.

I catch Pollux telling Castor that he's surprised they haven't turned him into an Avox.

"Peeta didn't know that there was a bigger plan for him and Katniss," I say just as he says the same thing onscreen. "Remember? Cinna didn't want to tell him or Katniss because it would be better for them."

The memory of our last night in Cinna's house slams into me, threatening to choke me.

_Stop it. He wouldn't want you to mope around for him._

Caesar seems to believe Peeta in the end. He finally asks him to talk about the rebellion, and Peeta says something that causes most people in the cafeteria to cry out in anger.

He's calling for a cease-fire.

"That was the worst thing Caesar could have prompted him to say…" I whisper, catching the look on Katniss' face just seconds before she runs out.

I stand up, needing to find Plutarch. I've been watching interviews with Caesar Flickerman for years. I know his style and the way he coaxes answers out of terrified tributes just before the Hunger Games.

"Peeta has no idea what he's saying," I tell him, as soon as I see him.

"Cressida –."

"No. You know this. You know the way Caesar is! He's getting answers from Peeta the way he does for tributes."

Plutarch holds up a hand, "I know. He could have also been forced to say these things. But it doesn't matter what I think. You heard the reaction here to what he said. Imagine what's going to happen in the districts now. They're going to lose heart."

"Then that's going to be our first propo."

"If Katniss agrees to be the Mockingjay, which I don't think she will."

"She still might."

I hoped.


	5. Chapter 5

It's the next day when Plutarch announces to my team and I that Katniss has agreed to be the mockingjay.

It's official. She and I will be working together.

A thrill runs up and down my spine, and I smile, "What did you have to promise her?"

"That we would rescue the victors out of the Capitol as soon as possible and that her sister would get to keep her cat. President Coin is going to make an announcement about the victors today."

"Good."

"Yes. To that end, I'd like to officially introduce Miss Effie Trinket to you all. She'll be the one prepping Katniss for the propos."

Effie stands from where she's been sitting in a dark corner. I almost don't recognize her, as she's wearing gray instead of her usual bright clothes, and a scarf around her head.

"Hi, Effie," I say, hugging her. She and I were introduced a couple of times, and because she was the escort for the two victors rom District Twelve, we ended up at a few of the same Capitol parties.

"Ah, familiar Capitol faces," she says. "It's great to see you all, truly. Have you seen Katniss yet?"

"A few times, yeah. Have you?"

"No, not yet. I'm hoping I will tonight."

"Well, she'll be at dinner later on," I say.

But before we can go to dinner, we go to the assembly President Coin has called, where she announces, to general outrage, that all of the victors in the Capitol will be rescued at the earlier opportunity. But she also states that if Katniss doesn't fulfill her role as the mockingjay, the deal will be off.

"Well, you couldn't expect her to just hand Katniss her deal," I say, having spotted her with Finnick, who looks relieved to know that Annie will be rescued as soon as possible.

We spend the rest of our evening in the studio, going over the propo that we'll be shooting later on that week.

"I'm still not sure about doing it this way," I tell Messalla.

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't look real."

"What are you talking about? The footage looks great! And once we put Katniss in there, it'll look phenomenal, you know that."

Not even Messalla's mention of Katniss distracts me from thinking that we're not going about this the right way, and I'm proven right when we get Katniss into the studio.

Effie has used the makeup we brought over from the Capitol on her, and has put her in the mockingjay outfit that Cinna designed and made. Looking at her dressed like that is making me a little dizzy, although I do think that lighter makeup would have looked more natural on her.

I'm watching from a side room as Katniss tries to get the propo right several times, but fails to capture the essence that should have been put in it.

"I told you. This kind of thing can't be scripted. This isn't a movie, it's real life."

Just as I tell this to Castor and Pollux, Haymitch Abernathy comes to stand in front of Katniss. "And this is how a revolution dies," he says in a sarcastic tone that makes me grin a little. He looks at where we're standing behind a glass partition.

"Cressida, you get your pretty butt in here, will you?"

Oh God…

I take a deep breath and walk out of the room. Katniss looks at me in surprise when she sees me.

"Wait… I saw you in the Capitol," she says.

"I'm surprised you remember that. Hi Katniss, I'm Cressida."

"The best upcoming director in the Capitol," says Plutarch from the back room.

"Until I up and left to come here."

Haymitch holds up his hand, "All right, all right. We can chitchat later." He turns to me, "What did you think of… that?"

"In all honesty, I'd never allow anybody to see it."

Katniss cracks a smile, "Was it as bad as I think it was?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Let's take this to the conference room, shall we?" says Haymitch.

Katniss follows us, shaking her head ruefully, "I knew this wouldn't work."

"That's what Cressida said when we were putting the background together," says Messalla. "She said it looked fake."

"It is! I can make some great shots using computer graphics, but it's not what we need for this."

We get to the conference room and sit down. I find myself almost directly behind her and have to school myself to keep from groaning aloud.

"Cressida just touched on a good point," says Haymitch, as President Coin takes a seat as well. "What we just tried to do is fake. We need to make it more real, more vivid."

"How?" asks Boggs.

"Give me a time when Katniss genuinely moved you. And I don't mean when you were jealous of her hairstyle or her clothes."

"When she volunteered for Prim at the Reaping," I say. I can't help but think about what would have happened if Effie hadn't pulled Prim's name out of the glass bowl…

"A perfect example," says Haymitch, writing it down. "What else?"

"When she chose Rue as her ally, and when she sang for her," says Effie.

"Exactly," says Haymitch.

"All those moments were real," I say. Katniss turns to look at me, then faces forward again.

Boggs gives a nod, "That's it, they were unscripted. Nobody told her what to do. So we should just leave her alone. And please, lighten the makeup, she doesn't even look seventeen anymore."

I chuckle, "I agree. You've made her look twice her age. She needs to be a lot more natural for this to work."

"Wait a minute," says president Coin. "Are you suggesting we put her in combat? Because I won't sanction that."

"That's exactly what I'm suggesting," says Haymitch. "People need to see that she's out there, not hidden in some bunker shooting films."

I agree with that, but my blood has run cold at the idea of Katniss in a combat situation. I look at Messalla, and he nods encouragingly at me.

"Where do you suggest we send her?"

"District Eight," says Beetee right away. "They reported some heavy bombing last week, but they're not military targets anymore."

"It would also give us a chance to show other people what the Capitol's done," I say. Despite how I'm feeling, my voice is steady. I've never been in a war zone before, and I'm a little apprehensive, but this is something that needs to be done.

We adjourn the meeting after deciding to go to District Eight the following day.

"Will you be ready by tomorrow?" Katniss asks me.

"Oh, we're always ready," I tell her, smiling a little.

I introduce my team to her, and they each shake her hand.

Katniss looks at Pollux, "So you guys are all from the Capitol? Plutarch rescued you?"

"Oh, Pollux can't answer you, he's an Avox," I reply. "But we weren't rescued. We… we were good friends with Cinna."

She stops walking and looks at me directly, "You were friends with Cinna?"

I nod. "I'm sorry, Katniss. I know how much he meant to you. You meant a lot to him too. He was a great man." Those words don't nearly seem adequate enough to describe Cinna, but they're all I can think of right now.

"Is he the one who told you to join the rebellion?"

"He gave me the opportunity I needed to join, but I was already against the Hunger Games. I just didn't know what to do on my own to stop them."

It's obvious that she's not sure whether or not to trust me, and I understand. In her position, I wouldn't trust anybody either.

We go back to our respective quarters. Just before I step into mine, she puts a hand on my shoulder. I freeze.

"Thanks for the other night," she says. "That was you, wasn't it?"

I don't know how to speak. How can I respond? What can I say that won't sound like complete nonsense?  _I wanted to be there for you, Katniss._ _I couldn_ _'_ _t leave you alone like that._  No, that won't do. Finally, I just nod, preferring silence to words.

"Well… thank you."

I don't go to dinner that evening. My mind is too full of her. I think back to both of her Hunger Games, and there are tears. I feel sorrow for everything she's been through, an innocence lost too soon and terrors not easily avoided. I have nightmares of being in the Hunger Games with Katniss and killing her, nightmares of her killing me in hatred, and her telling me she hates me because I got Cinna killed.

When I wake up the following day, I feel like almost sick. Messalla, who comes to collect me, stares at me for a full five seconds before he tells me to stay where I am. He returns ten minutes later with makeup, which is strictly controlled here, because there's not enough for everyone.

"I don't need –."

"Nobody will know. This is just concealer anyway." He applies the makeup to my face despite my protests, then declares me ready to go. "Honestly, you look like you haven't gotten any sleep. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Don't you ever have nightmares?"

"Sure. But none that make me look like that in the morning."

"You must be lucky then."

"It's my good genes. It's impossible for me to look bad, no matter what."

"Wise-ass," I tell him, shoving him playfully as we leave my quarters.

I'm still not feeling great during breakfast, but Katniss surprises me by coming to sit next to me with her mother and sister. She keeps looking at me, as though trying to figure me out, so I try to joke with the others as much as I can, and avoid making eye contact with her. Once, her leg accidentally touches mine under the table, and I forget how to breathe for a second of exquisite agony.

How did this happen? How did I start feeling like this for a girl from District Twelve? I've had boyfriends before, never girlfriends, and I certainly didn't feel that strongly towards any of them. Just when I feel that I'm about to go insane with need for this girl, Boggs comes over and tells us that we'll be leaving in twenty minutes, which spurs us to action.

Only the thought of working in a dangerous situation could keep my mind away from my current feelings. District Eight, a sea of factories that have been mostly turned to rubble by the Capitol bombs, is gray and dusty. We're wearing black military uniforms because of the combat situation, and I carry a pistol at my waist, whereas Katniss carries a beautiful black bow. Next to her, Gale has a crossbow, which he holds at the ready.

We're met by Commander Paylor, who's been organizing the rebels for the district. She takes us to a makeshift hospital that's located inside a huge warehouse. Castor and Pollux are ready, their cameras on their backs, and I hold the small receiver that will allow me to see what the camera picks up.

"Don't film me in there," Katniss says to me. "I can't help them."

I put a hand on her shoulder, "Just let them see you, Katniss, that's all they need."

She looks aghast for a second, but nods. Slowly, she steps forward, looking at everyone in turn. The smell inside the hospital is overwhelming: unwashed bodies, festering wounds, blood… it would be enough to make anybody sick, but Katniss appears unfazed by everything.

Little by little, the people in the hospital recognize her and stop whatever they're doing.

"Katniss Everdeen?" asks a girl. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," she replies. Her voice is a little shaky.

"What about the baby?" asks someone else.

Katniss informs everyone that she's lost the baby, which has some people feeling angry, others sad. Another boy asks if she's here to fight with them, and she agrees. What happens next sends chills up and down my spine: everyone kisses the three middle fingers of their left hand, and holds them up in the air.

"Tighter," I tell Pollux, looking at my screen. He focuses on Katniss, showing a determination on her face.  _That's my girl_ , I think, resisting an urge to cheer.

We leave the hospital shortly after, inhaling the comparatively fresh air. But just as we're about to make our way back to the hovercraft, Boggs stops us.

"We have a problem," he says.

"What kind of problem?" I look at Katniss quickly.

"We have incoming bombers. We need to take cover."

"There's a bunker over there," says Commander Paylor.

We start running just as the sirens begin to sound. I feel a moment of agony when I'm separated from Katniss as she runs in another direction entirely, with Gale following her and Boggs calling out her name.

"Come on!" I tell Castor, who's with me, while Pollux and Messalla stay with Commander Paylor and Boggs.

We run right behind Katniss until we reach the roof of the building we had taken shelter in. Immediately, we take fire, and, without thinking about it, I jump on Katniss to shield her from incoming bullets. I feel someone jump over me – Castor.

We get up one by one, and see that there are several bombers in the air. Katniss reaches out a hand towards me, and, without thinking about it, I take it and squeeze it once before letting go.

"They're targeting something in the south," says Gale.

"It's the hospital!" cries Katniss as we see fire and smoke billowing up in the distance. "They're targeting the hospital!"

I look at Castor, horrorstruck, but gently point my finger to Katniss. He nods and trails his camera on her, catching her just as she readies her bow to fire at a bomber. I'm holding another, smaller camera, and point it at the bomber, which Katniss shoots down a second later. I follow it until it crashes and burns.

We run back down, and Katniss tries to go towards the hospital, but I stop her, grabbing her hand and shaking my head. She seems stunned.

"Katniss," I say. "Katniss, can you tell us what you're seeing right now?" Pollux is right there and I walk to him, pointing at his camera so that Katniss will know where to look. Somehow, she finds the strength to speak.

"I want the rebels to know that I'm alive. That I'm in District Eight, where the Capitol just bombed a hospital filled with unarmed men, women, and children."

She keeps talking, and as I listen to her, I feel my heart swell. At that moment, I know. I know that I will follow her wherever she goes. Even if I can never have her for myself, I am hers.


	6. Chapter 6

We're back in the hovercraft. I look at the footage that we shot of Katniss, and I know it's good. But the price that we paid for that propo is unfathomable. All of the people that we filmed in the hospital are dead. Everyone but us and Commander Paylor, who stayed behind, even though we told her that we could take her with us.

I turn off the camera and look to my left, where Katniss is sitting. She turns her head to look at me, and I see my weariness reflected in her eyes. Wordlessly, she extends her hand to take mine. My heart rate increases, and I want to smile, but I can't, not now. I want to tell her that I understand how hard this was for her. But now is not the time to talk. Now is the time that we have to process everything that happened.

I threw myself on top of Katniss to save her life. I didn't realize that I was capable of doing something like that. Am I willing to die for her? I guess I must be.

Gale is looking at me, his eyes full of things, accusations and something else I can't quite identify.

So, he knows. Is he worried that Katniss likes me? I look down to our joined hands, but I don't think that's an expression of anything but sorrow.

I doze, and my dreams aren't peaceful. I open my eyes again when Katniss squeezes my hand gently, telling me that we're back in Thirteen.

"So, holding hands?" Castor asks me.

"It didn't mean anything."

"She kept her hand in yours for an hour, Cressida. It means a lot, I think."

"Yeah. That she was tired, distressed, and that she needed to hold onto something, anything, even someone's hand."

"Come on, you can't fool me into thinking that part of you wasn't thrilled."

I'm about to answer when Gale comes towards us. He doesn't look happy, and I'm certain that he's going to start screaming at me. Castor protectively puts himself in front of me, but I gently push him aside.

"Look, I want to thank you for what you did on the rooftop. You saved her life."

"We weren't hit," I say to him.

"No, but we could have been. And you would have taken the bullet for her if we had been. So thank you. Thank you for trying to protect her." He turns away from me, "I love her too, you know."

Yes, I know. I watch as he leaves, not saying anything even when Messalla asks me what's going on.

"You really jumped on top of her to keep her safe?" he asks.

"And Castor jumped on us. It was a very bonding experience," I tell him finally, squeezing Castor's shoulder, "Thank you for that."

"They won't kill you if any of us have anything to say about it."

"Let's hope they don't kill any of us," I say. But I know that it's just a pipe dream. Many more of us will die in this rebellion, and there's not much I can do to stop it unless we get started on the propo. "Come on, we have work to do."

It takes us the rest of the day to work on it, but the reaction within Thirteen when we show it to them tells me that it was all worth it. They're galvanized, cheering and pumping their fists in the air. I can only think of Katniss and all of the people that died today.

Over the next few days, we try not to think of the rebellion, although it's all around us. Finnick seems to be doing better, and has been assigned living quarters of his own in the same area as mine, so him and I talk often. He's picked up on my feelings for Katniss, but unlike the others, he doesn't question me on them, nor does he tease me. He seems to understand what I'm going through, being so close to her and being unable to be with her.

One day, while I'm talking to Finnick and watching him tying his length of rope into a dozen knots, Katniss comes in. My heart leaps into my throat, as it's been doing so often and I stare at her as though she's a vision. Her hair is in its customary braid, and I focus on that when she sits down very close to me on the floor.

"Gale and I got permission to go hunting," she says. "Would you like us to bring you anything?"

"We get to choose?" I ask.

She smiles a little at me, and nudges my leg with hers, "Maybe."

"Rabbit, then, if you can," I tell her.

She gives a nod, "It shouldn't be a problem. Finnick, what about you?"

"Rabbit will be fine," he tells her.

"All right then." Katniss stands up, brushing my cheek in the process, although I can't tell whether this was an accident or whether she really meant to do it.

As soon as the door closes behind her, I groan and drop my head on my knees. Finnick starts to laugh. It's a thin laugh, but the first one I've heard from him since we got here, and it's good to hear, "You've really got it bad for her, don't you?"

"You don't think it's weird?"

"Because you're both girls?" He shrugs, "There are a few people back home who aren't interested in the opposite sex. It doesn't happen often, but there are so many other things to worry about that we don't really pay attention to it. They're normal people, just like everyone else. And while they're not married, they love each other and work very well as a family."

I smile at the idea, "That sounds nice."

"Yeah, it is."

"I suppose you're going to tell me that I have no chance with Katniss."

"No, I'm not going to say that. But I do want to warn you. She's vulnerable right now, and so are you because you're in tune to her feelings. She loves Peeta. Exactly how much, I don't know, but I think it's safe to say that she would die for him if it came to that."

"I would never get in the way of that."

"No, you really wouldn't. You'll just stand on the sidelines and watch by yourself, and that's not fair to you, Cressida."

Maybe it's not fair, but it's what I'm willing to do to make sure Katniss is happy. I still don't understand exactly what I feel for her, whether it's a crush, love, lust, or a combination of the three, but I do know that I will do everything in my power to give her happiness.

There's a small television in the hallway, and I open the door so that we can watch as Caesar Flickerman comes on.

Both Finnick and I gasp when we see Peeta with him.

"Oh my God  _look_  at him," I say.

"He must have lost ten pounds at least…" Finnick's hand is on my shoulder, as though he knows that my instinct is to run for Katniss to make sure that she doesn't see this.

Peeta states that Katniss probably doesn't know what she's doing with the rebels and that she should think before she acts.

"What are they really planning?" he asks the camera.

I look at Finnick, but he seems absolutely stunned. He sinks to the floor and stares ahead, his eyes vacant. "Annie…" he whispers. "Annie, Annie, Annie…"

"Finnick… no, they're not…" I kneel in front of him and wrap my arms around him, looking back at the screen, which is now blank. Are they torturing Annie the same way they're torturing Peeta? They want to break Katniss, not Finnick, but I wouldn't put it past them to torture all of the victors in unimaginable ways to break all of us.

Finnick goes completely still. He's breathing, but only barely. I shake him, but get no response, so I get to my feet and look up and down the corridor.

"Help! I need some help in here!" I call, seeing someone. The person quickly runs over, "Get me a doctor or a nurse. Now!"

I don't know whether Finnick's gone into shock, but whatever it is, he's brought back to the hospital. I stay with him for a while, until the doctors decide to sedate him so that he can go to sleep.

"What triggered this?" a doctor asks me.

"There was an interview with Peeta Mellark just now. It looks like he's been tortured…" I swallow. "I think that he's afraid the Capitol might be doing the same thing to Annie Cresta."

The doctor nods, "He'll be asleep until tomorrow. You can come back for him then."

I leave the hospital, running a hand over my eyes, and hear someone crying. I recognize the voice instantly and go towards where I know she's sitting.

Curled underneath a pipe, I find her sobbing into her hands.

"Katniss," I whisper.

She looks up at me, and I do the only thing I can think of. I sit with her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close to me. "What are they d-doing to h-him?" she sobs.

"It's going to be okay, sweetheart, I promise." I stroke her hair, "We'll get him out. Shh, shh." I kiss her forehead.

"But what are they doing to him?" She looks at me with such naked anguish that I nearly burst into tears myself.

"Whatever it is, he's strong, Katniss. He'll pull through, and we will get him out."

"He doesn't kn-know… he doesn't know what happened at h-home…"

"You want to shoot a propo in District Twelve?" I ask her, brushing damp hair from her face and wiping her tears away, "Is that what you want to do?"

She nods, looking at me and putting her fingers on my cheek.

"All right, then we're going to do that. Can you get up?"

She nods again, and I slowly help her to her feet. She leans on me and we make our way back to our quarters, where we run into Prim. She's shocked by Katniss's appearance and immediately takes her to their mother, who's nearby.

"She saw the interview?" she asks me.

"Yes. I found her under the pipes again."

Mrs. Everdeen brushes Katniss's hair away from her face, "All right, we're going to give you a bath first." She looks at me, "I heard Finnick is back in the hospital."

Katniss's head turns towards me, "What? What happened?"

"He went into shock when he saw Peeta. He's afraid that they're doing the same thing to Annie." I take a deep breath, wishing we could all get out of this nightmare we've been thrust into.

"Is that what you think?"

"I hope they're not."

"But you… you said that we're going to get Peeta out."

"Yes." At this point, I think that I'll volunteer for the mission myself if it'll ease her mind. "I'll go talk to Plutarch and President Coin about that, okay, see how they're doing with the plan. And I'll talk to Plutarch about our next propo."

Prim and Mrs. Everdeen know I'm reaching. I have absolutely no pull with Coin, but it wouldn't hurt to talk.

Katniss grabs my hand as I turn from her. I look at her, "Yes, Katniss?"

She wraps her arms around me in a completely unexpected hug. I hug her back tightly and bury my face in her hair, resisting the urge to tell her that I love her.

"All right, I'll let you know what they say, okay?"

She nods and lets me go. She looks so young all of a sudden, so scared, that I'm forcefully reminded of the fact that she's only seventeen years old.

"Thanks, Cressida," says Prim.

"No problem."

Ten minutes later, I've found Plutarch, deep in conversation with President Coin.

"Katniss saw that interview," I tell them.

"That was just what we needed," said Coin. "I was hoping she'd still be hunting."

"Finnick saw it too, and he fell apart. He's back in the hospital, but Katniss wants to shoot a propo in Twelve. I think she wants to show Peeta what happened. He doesn't know that his home is gone, and that his family's been murdered."

"There's a possibility that Beetee will have managed to get through the Capitol's communication system by then," says Plutarch.

"All right, we'll do it." Coin doesn't sound altogether happy about the decision.

"Thank you. We'll make sure it's a good one." I'd like to say something about the rescue attempt, but I can tell that now isn't the time to do that.

And so, the following day, we all find ourselves on the hovercraft, going to District Twelve. Boggs doesn't accompany us this time, being as it's not a combat zone, but he does tell me to be careful, and that if anything happens to Katniss, he'll have my head.

"I'll have my own head if anything happens to her," I whisper to him, and he gives a small smile.

Katniss sits next to me as we take off. We don't hold hands this time, but out of the corner of my eye, I see that she looks at me every once in a while.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting from District Twelve. Maybe a more run down place than District Eight. But it's worse, much worse. Everything has been destroyed. Buildings are nothing more than rubble held together by skeletons.

Katniss doesn't really speak, but Gale tells us what happened in the last moments of the district. How he saw the Peacekeepers leaving and how he and some other miners got people out of their houses. But most of them were afraid to go into the woods, so they stayed on the road, which is where they were when the Capitol began dropping the bombs.

The road we overlook is nothing but the bones of all the people who died.

"You saved so many people, Gale," I tell him when he kneels in sorrow, saying that he could have saved more citizens. "If you hadn't done what you did, there would be nothing left of District Twelve, not even a memory."

We stare at the sea of human remains, trying to fathom what it must have been like for them. It is a horrible thing to think about, but it reminds me what we're doing this for.

"Where's Peeta's bakery?" I ask.

Katniss leads us to what's left of it. The front wall is only barely standing, but it's recognizable as the bakery, and we film it. I see what appears to be a body inside. Katniss takes my hand and laces our fingers together for a brief moment. I squeeze. She squeezes back. We let go.

"Is that his family?" asks Messalla, nodding sadly.

Katniss doesn't know, but it's probably them. Since nobody's seen them since the bombing, we can only assume that Peeta's family is gone. We walk away from the grisly scene, only to be faced with more people, more dead bodies, and more of Katniss' memories that come to the surface. Several times, both she and Gale need to stop to collect themselves, and I make sure to keep the cameras away from them at that point. Nobody else needs to see them grieving.

We walk through the ruined town and reach the Victor's Village, which, eerily enough, hasn't been touched. The twelve identical houses look pristine, and the only thing wrong is the air of neglect around the village, because nobody's been here for weeks, and the heat of the firebombs has caused the trees to die.

"This is my house," says Katniss, walking up some steps. "Come on in."

I have to smile at Katniss politely inviting us into the home that she no longer occupies. We go inside and I look around, curious to see how she lived before she went back to the arena.

She goes upstairs and looks at me, briefly gesturing with her hand for me to follow her. I almost feel like I did as a young teenager, when I first followed a boy into his room.

Katniss's room is at the end of the hallway. Its walls are painted a lovely green color, and the furniture is rustic, but elegant. I instantly like this room, where, hanging on the walls, are several pictures of trees and animals. I recognize one of the styles as belonging to a Capitol photographer who specializes in natural landscapes.

She closes the door behind us.

"Why do you like me?"

I turn to look at her, feeling my eyes widening and my cheeks warming. "It's a bit of everything," I say, barely able to get my voice to sound higher than a whisper. I clear my throat. "You've been through so much, and you keep getting up. You keep fighting, and I love that about you."

She only stares at me.

"You sacrificed everything to save your sister at the Reaping." I look down at the carpet, which is a pretty ivory color, now dusty, "You survived the Hunger Games, and the Capitol keeps demanding things of you. They think that your act was one of rebellion. They don't understand that you did what you did to keep yourself and Peeta alive."

"I didn't want all of this," she says in a low voice.

"I know. And despite all of that, you still go on, for everyone you care about. I don't know how many people would have managed to survive the same way you have."

I can't look at her. I take a deep breath and walk to the bed, sitting down and looking out the window.

"I don't know when it happened, but I do know that I couldn't stop it." I feel myself getting upset, but now that I've started, I have to keep going.

Katniss comes into my line of sight, leaning against the window so that I have to have my eyes on her.

"You run in my blood, Katniss."

She comes to me, standing directly in front of me. Her hand touches my face, then moves to the bald side of my head, slowly tracing the vine tattoo there. Her fingers follow the tattoo down my neck, then creep back up to my cheek. She sits next to me.

I'm actually shaking. I'm sure that when I'll look back on this, I'll berate myself for behaving so foolishly, for my body trembling with need for this girl who is almost a woman.

She touches my face again, and leans in. My heart stutters. She kisses me. It's light, sweet. Her lips are warm.

My Katniss.

**The End**


End file.
